No one knows negative self-talk better than me. It’s rooted in my anxieties, but knowing that doesn’t make it stop.

And yet, I do move forward every day and accomplish a multitude of things. It did used to hamper my movements, but I’m able to get beyond that now. So how did I do it?

Let it happen

When I used to take yoga consistently, I did a lot of meditation. The one thing that has stuck with me more than anything from that time was the fact that if you try to stuff feelings and thoughts down, they will roar back at you worse than ever. So I tested it out, and frankly, it’s true.

Instead of trying to stuff the negative self-talk down like I had always done, I just let it come. I let it weave its lies, but the lies were much weaker and less believable.

For example, I heard beeping from our basement the other day. Something in my gut told me it was the carbon monoxide detector, but it wasn’t beeping in a way that screamed it was an emergency. It was just one-off beeps every now and then. But somehow my brain decided that my dogs were not doing well. This was while I could hear their little paws scratching the floor. The lie was more than easy to debunk.

It’s the opposite of what we think we should do, but for me, it’s super effective.

Set it aside

This is somewhat along the same lines as letting the negative self-talk happen, and I also got this from all of my yoga classes.

When the thought happens after you have freely let it come, just set it aside. And this is where it gets a little weird, but trust me, it works. Look at it with curiosity. Treat the thought as being very separate from you. Once it is its own entity, it’s easy to see all the flaws in the thought process.

This is actually something I do with my writing as well. If I treat it as still being a part of me, I can’t find as many flaws. But if I take a step back and treat it as writing from someone else that just fell into my lap, the flaws become more apparent. That bit of separation makes a huge difference.

Schedule it

This is another weird one, but I do it all the time. Because we don’t always have time for negative self-talk in the moment it happens. So as much as I want to say to just let it come in at any time it wants, that’s not reality.

If I feel like I’m struggling with that negative self-talk but my schedule is full at the moment, I immediately go into that schedule and look for a gap or something that is not a priority that day. I then make an appointment with myself to deal with the thoughts then.

Is it a perfect system? No. Sometimes I have to deal with it right in that moment regardless of what my schedule looks like that day. But usually, knowing that it will get attention later is enough to put the thoughts away for the time being.

Talk to others

Do you know when my negative self-talk is at its worst? Without fail, it’s when I’m isolating from others and not really talking to anyone. When you struggle with these kinds of thoughts, there’s nothing worse than leaving yourself alone with them.

It doesn’t have to be anything like asking your friend or co-worker or family member to tell you all that’s great about you. Just sitting and talking is more than enough. That sense of connection is enough for your brain to realize that you’re not absolute crap.

But be careful about who you talk to when you are struggling. Some people drain your energy, and they’re just not a good fit when you need to feel better. Go towards those who make you feel good about yourself or are just easy to be around. They will do far more for you and that’s what you need when the negative self-talk gets loud.

Exercise

There is just something about moving my body that makes the negative self-talk cease. I’m sure there’s a scientific explanation, but that doesn’t matter. It just works.

And the best is when you can combine it with getting social with others. Do you know when I’m most comfortable talking about my deepest fears? On a long run. It doesn’t matter if I don’t know the person that well. Once we’re a few miles in, we’re talking about something deep and scary. And I’m able to deal with it in a much more productive way. It’s like magic.

You don’t have to go that far. Just moving your body is enough. But long distance running has always done some major good for me. Find the movement that will do that for you.

Do what works for you

These are just the most effective tools I have to combat my negative self-talk. It doesn’t mean that they will work for you, but of course there is always the chance they will.

The best thing you can do now is to experiment with tactics. Figure out what works and what doesn’t. And each time the negative self-talk gets loud again, you will get a little better at dealing with it. As you get a little better, you’ll find those thoughts will lessen over time.

And of course, if they don’t and you find yourself paralyzed because of them, it’s time to talk to a doctor.

How do you deal with your own negative self-talk?