Lately, I’ve been in this weird spot. I just don’t feel like I belong anywhere. I’m a stay-at-home mom but I also work. I’m the mom of a young child, but I’m twenty years older than some of the other moms. I work in social media but on the content side, which doesn’t sound like a weird spot but it is. I feel like I have a ton of experience, but it doesn’t feel like enough. Where does that really put me?

To be honest, I don’t really know. I’m navigating my life right now as I go, and I feel like I’m in unchartered territory more than ever right now. So I don’t know if there is any advice I can give you, but here’s how I’m figuring out what to do when I don’t belong.

Social media versus content

I’m looking for more work right now, and I’m applying to a lot of social media jobs despite the fact that it’s not a great descriptor for what I do.

So why am I doing that? I’ve found that a lot of things get thrown under the title “social media” and that it has become an umbrella term. Usually when someone uses that in a job post or a RFP, they’re trying to fit a whole lot into one job. And some of that falls under what I am good at.

What does that mean for me? I’m going up against people who just post on social media without a strategy or thought process of why it might work. I don’t really belong in this group of people, but that will make me stand out. Sometimes it’s in a good way where I can explain my research processes and how I come up with content. Sometimes it’s in a bad way where a potential client doesn’t understand why what I do costs more and ends up going with a cheaper person. I’m okay with that.

Is this a waste of time? Eh, in this economy, I think it’s a good idea to chase down everything. It is taxing on my mental health though, so I try to read between the lines on postings. If they’re looking for someone who is just posting content the exact way they want it posted, then it’s not a good fit for me. So no, I don’t go after all of these jobs to both save some time and my mental health.

The oldest mom of a three year old in the world

Am I really the oldest mom of a three year old in the world? No. But a lot of days, it feels like it. Everyone else is so young and perky. And I have very little in common with some of these younger parents. Yet, I try to make friends with every perky mom I meet. They may be wearing a full face of makeup while I have my dirty hair in a bun on top of my head, but I’ve gotta try.

So why am I doing that? In the case of school, my daughter will be with some of these kids for a decade. A whole decade of her life. If I don’t try to force some friendships, that’s going to be a very lonely decade for me when I’m going to her activities. I can’t be focused on the perfect friends for me. Those friends had kids much earlier and are enjoying their kids’ high school years. But also, even those parents think I’m nuts. I may have waited too long and created too many plans for my kiddo to actually belong anywhere. I’m gonna try anyway.

What does that mean for me? I’m uncomfortable a lot of the time. What I found when I was making friends in our neighborhood was that uncomfortableness eventually turns into something I enjoy. So instead of getting spooked by being uncomfortable, I’m living in it and hoping it becomes a place where I belong. I made a point of learning all of the kids’ names in my daughter’s class and making sure my daughter says hello to all of the kids she sees as she puts her things away in the morning. I do those little things that I know I’m good at to make parents feel seen. It hasn’t resulted in friendships yet, but we’re very early on in our decade together.

Is this a waste of time? I think I’m getting better at realizing what is a waste of my time here. Our version of the PTO felt too clique-ish to me, and I knew my personality wouldn’t cut it there. And I don’t think it helped that it included ALL the parents. So I watch those on Zoom. Instead, I concentrate my efforts on being a room parent and finding ways to create community within our class. I think focusing on the granular rather than the whole makes it feel more doable to me.

Never enough experience

Needing more work in a bad economy is not a great feeling. It’s even worse if you have an unhealthy dose of imposter syndrome like I do. You look around at all the people who are getting laid off right now with this amazing experience and think life is over for you. And when you go to networking events, you feel like you’re five years old. You want to actually apologize for how dumb what you do is. Maybe that last part is just me. But I’m pretty sure there are others that feel that way despite loving what they do for a living. It’s just that what we do is not looked upon as a viable career to most people. That makes saying what you do nerve wracking at times.

So why am I doing that? Well, I am my own worst enemy. I have loads more experience than I even realize. And in this economy, I need to put myself in front of every situation. I never know who will want me. Because, in the end, work is more than just what experience I have. It’s about personality and my ability to work with others. I have a lot of both of those.

What does that mean for me? I have to constantly hype myself, which I frankly don’t have the energy to do. It would be easier to just not have this problem, but I know it will keep coming up. So I have to work around it. I have several people who I build up, and they are happy to do the same for me. That means I have to give a little bit of energy to tell my friends how awesome they are, which is pretty much my favorite thing to do. And then I get so much more in return.

Is this a waste of time? I don’t think it’s a waste of time at all to go after work that seems like it’s a little bit above my skill set. Half the time, that’s in my head. And I’m also a very quick learner. So if it’s interesting to me, I think the best use of my time is to go after it. I just might get it.

How do you deal with feeling like you don’t belong?